It is nearly Christmas! Sorry I have been MIA for so long; the end of term is always crazy. I have been marking like a mad woman and with all the mock exams, end of term tests, preparing for January exams and general day to day teaching I just haven’t had a spare moment.
I had a bit of a mini breakdown earlier in the week. I felt so unhappy with things – with waking up and going to work in the dark and not getting back in until late with more to do; It just felt relentless and pointless. There is a real lack of gratification in my school; you will be told when you have done something wrong but no one ever thanks you for working hard or going above and beyond so a lot of people are thinking ‘what’s the point?’ at the moment. Add in some media bashing, unsupportive parents and children who would rather be on the X Box than in the classroom and it’s pretty tough right now!
Buuuuut…it is nearly Christmas!!! I am so excited I could burst! We are spenidng the festive season with the boy’s family in Bristol this year which will be amazing. My sister in law has her boyfriend over from Korea and it will be nice to all be together. It means that we are having Christmas with my family this weekend so tonight involves lots and lots of wrapping presents for me! I wanted to make jars of cookies and sweets but can’t find any jars anywhere!
Wedding planning is not going well: I just don’t want a wedding at all so it is pretty hard to find a middle ground! I want to go somewhere hot and beautiful and get married on a beach; just us and to come back and be married. To me, that is what it is about. Us, together. Every time I read a quote for a cake or dress or table settings I hyperventilate and realise how patriarchal and bullshit the whole system is. I love Caitlin Moran’s view on weddings; how it is not the best day of your life as you are juggling relatives you don’t like with work colleagues you felt obligated to invite and how no one is really having a great time as everyone is thinking of the cost. I am clearly missing the ‘bride’ gene. I want to make that commitment and have my love for him official but the idea of having to do it all in a big dress, whilst paying £££ for warm cheesecake, a dodgy DJ and melon balls makes me feel a bit ill!