It is nearly Christmas! Sorry I have been MIA for so long; the end of term is always crazy. I have been marking like a mad woman and with all the mock exams, end of term tests, preparing for January exams and general day to day teaching I just haven’t had a spare moment.

I had a bit of a mini breakdown earlier in the week. I felt so unhappy with things – with waking up and going to work in the dark and not getting back in until late with more to do; It just felt relentless and pointless. There is a real lack of gratification in my school; you will be told when you have done something wrong but no one ever thanks you for working hard or going above and beyond so a lot of people are thinking ‘what’s the point?’ at the moment. Add in some media bashing, unsupportive parents and children who would rather be on the X Box than in the classroom and it’s pretty tough right now!

Buuuuut…it is nearly Christmas!!! I am so excited I could burst! We are spenidng the festive season with the boy’s family in Bristol this year which will be amazing. My sister in law has her boyfriend over from Korea and it will be nice to all be together. It means that we are having Christmas with my family this weekend so tonight involves lots and lots of wrapping presents for me! I wanted to make jars of cookies and sweets but can’t find any jars anywhere!

Wedding planning is not going well: I just don’t want a wedding at all so it is pretty hard to find a middle ground! I want to go somewhere hot and beautiful and get married on a beach; just us and to come back and be married. To me, that is what it is about. Us, together. Every time I read a quote for a cake or dress or table settings I hyperventilate and realise how patriarchal and bullshit the whole system is. I love Caitlin Moran’s view on weddings; how it is not the best day of your life as you are juggling relatives you don’t like with work colleagues you felt obligated to invite and how no one is really having a great time as everyone is thinking of the cost. I am clearly missing the ‘bride’ gene. I want to make that commitment and have my love for him official but the idea of having to do it all in a big dress, whilst paying £££ for warm cheesecake, a dodgy DJ and melon balls makes me feel a bit ill!

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  • http://twentysomethingoap.blogspot.com Simone

    I did exactly what I wanted for my wedding; I wore red, I had a non-Christmas themed wedding at Christmas, I served bangers and mash, I had a playlist and the DJ stuck to it on pain of death!

    There were some hiccups at first and family were so annoying, but just look past the politics. Anyone who is willing to fall out with you over your choices is not worth your time in the first place.

    I wouldn’t say we had a budget wedding, but we did away with a lot of pointless things – we got married and had the whole day in the same place therefore no cars to hire. We bought bridesmaid dresses in the sales and kept them aside for a whole 18 months, we made table decorations and invites and place cards, we had a yummy chocolate cake from Asda! I could share some photos if you like?

    • em

      That sounds lovely! I would love to see some pictures; my email is e.toms@sccs,camden.sch.uk if you don’t mind sharing a few! xxxxxxxx

  • http://www.ciderwithsophie.blogspot.com Sophie Wearing

    AWh Emma, sorry to hear about the overwhelming work load etc, best to look towards good things like you are, that’s sure what’s keeping me going!

    I totally agree with you re the wedding, I want to make the official commitment however the extravagence is off putting to me. I would like to focus on the small, intimate and personal details to make it focus on us two. I HATE the politics of weddings! I have a friend who is spending £9,000 just on the venue and is saying horrible things like “well we’re spending £200 per head, people better get us good presents”!!! I just think that’s awful! There shouldnt be an expectation like that, it’s a celebration for your love for each other and surely that’s the main thing?! xxx

    • em

      I completely agree; there is so much pressure placed on weddings and I hate it all so much. You should read the Caitlin Moran chapter on it – it is fantastic! It really sums up everything I feel about weddings. I am hoping the boy agrees to flying off somewhere gorgeous and sunny and getting married on a beach – just us, no pressure or expectations. My friend is getting married next May and they have already spent £20,000 and it hurts my head to think of that much money going on one day! xxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Clare

    That sucks about the school stuff, but time to relax, take a breather and have some fun over the holidays and forget about marking for a little bit! And Lakeland plastics always have jars for the cookies ideas.

    As for the wedding, me and my boyfriend have always said that if we were to get married it be us and just our immediate family and a few really close friends, we’ll get married in the garden of the registry office in town and then have a bit of a party with the rest of our friends (the ones we actually like, not the ones that feel they have the right to be there just because we work with them!) and to spend the money that some of my other friends are spending on things like extravagant dresses and 3 course meals, instead on a travelling holiday to Russia & China. I think it’s about showing your love and commitment to each other and doing something which YOU enjoy to celebrate it, not having to do what everyone else wants, don’t forget it’s your big day, I hope it’s awesome for you both! x